In marriage counseling and couples therapy, we often explore conflict in the relationship. After a big fight with your partner, it's easy to stay angry or pretend like everything is ok.
Both of these strategies, festering and denial, are not effective. They are not effective because they don't address the real issues and likely make matters worse. The happiest couples are those that are able to repair the relationship after a big fight.
Repairing a relationship after a fight is not easy. It takes maturity, intentionality, and real effort. There are steps you can take with your partner to ease the process of repair.
5 Steps to Help Repair the Relationship
There are a variety of ways that couples can help repair and heal a relationship after a fight. Sometime and depending on how you approach repairing the relationship, the relationship can grow stronger as a result.
Below are 5 suggestions that I use for the couples I work with in marriage counseling and couples therapy:
1. Talk About How Each Person Felt
The first step in moving past the conflict is acknowledging and processing the emotions involved in a fight. Each person has the right to express how they truly felt without needing to justify their emotions.
This is not a time to judge your partner's emotions or ask for extensive clarification. Some of the common emotions during a fight include:
Anger
Confusion
Misunderstood
Worried
Unsafe
Criticized
Lonely
Ashamed
2. Validate Each Other's Perceptions
Validation does not meet agreement. However you can validate the feelings your partner is experiencing which helps them feel connected and that you get what they are going through. This step builds off the first one. In this step each partner shares their perspective on the fight.
It's important to remember that each person has a unique perspective and that neither one is necessarily "wrong." It's very important that you seek to understand and even validate your partner's perspective even if you disagree.
Here are a few examples of validation statements:
"I can see how you would have felt that way."
"It sounds like you felt criticized and belittled by my words."
"I didn't realize I was coming across so spiteful."
3. Accept Responsibility for Your Part
It usually takes two to tango. Speaking with your partner about your role in the conflict can be an important step toward repair.
Many people come back and tell their partner that they have been stressed and emotionally vulnerable. People acknowledge that they were not clearly expressing their needs.
There are no perfect people and no ideal relationships. Mistakes will be made and feelings will get hurt. The important part is for injuries to be acknowledged and steps taken together toward repair.
4. Compromise
Compromise is not a dirty word. In fact, compromise is essential for a healthy relationship.
Compromise is a two-way street. It involves both persons negotiating and taking steps towards the other person.
There will be a level of personal sacrifice that works only if the other person is also willing to stretch themselves. Compromise is a way of letting your partner have influence over you.
Men usually have a harder time accepting influence from their wives. If each person can accept influence from their partner, working together becomes much easier and enjoyable.
5. Marriage Counseling & Couple's Therapy
You may need extra support while you try and repair your relationship. Couple's therapy and marriage counseling can help you and your partner identify the underlying issues that trigger the fights.
Once you have explored the deeper issues, you can improve your communication and conflict style. A trained couples therapist and marriage counselor can help guide you on your journey to strengthen your relationship.
Begin Marriage Counseling or Couples Therapy at Katy Teen & Family Counseling: Katy, Tx & Houston
At Katy Teen & Family Counseling, our marriage therapists and couples counselors are here to help you strengthen your relationship. Marriage counseling or couples therapy can help couples who feel trapped in a cycle of contention help break that cycle and strengthen your marriage or relationship.
Our Katy, Tx location of Katy Teen and Family Counseling, is conveniently located off of I-10 and 99. We are about 4-5 blocks behind the Academy Sports in Katy, Tx.
If you are ready to start your journey with one of our couples therapist or marriage counselors, Katy Teen & Family Counseling can help.
It's as simple as following these three simple steps:
Contact Katy Teen & Family Counseling
Speak with one of our marriage counselors or couples therapists
Let us help you strengthen your communication foundation in your relationship!
Other Therapy and Counseling Services Offered at Katy Teen & Family Counseling: Serving Katy, Tx & Houston
At the Katy, Tx location of Katy Teen & Family Counseling, we also provide teen therapy, young adult counseling, and family counseling services.
Below are a few of the other counseling services we provide for teens, families, and young adults in Katy, Tx and Houston:
Board Certified Neurofeedback Therapy
Peak performance (optimal academic brain performance)
Peak performance (optimal athletic brain performance)
Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR Therapy)
Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT)
About the Author
Quique Autrey is a Licensed Professional Counselor (LPC) and an experienced couples therapist and marriage counselor.
He views each individual through the lens of the family system. Through this lens he provides: teen therapy, young adult counseling, family counseling, marriage counseling & couples therapy.
Quique has helped those who experience depression, anxiety, panic attacks, social anxiety, ADHD/ADD, and is trained in Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT).
Quique also has a passion for helping teens, young adults, and adults who may be on the Autism Spectrum. He has a talent for connecting with and helping people with Autism Spectrum Disorder.
If you're ready to start your healing journey in marriage counseling or couples therapy, you can call us at 346-202-4662 or email us at info@katyteenandfamilycounseling.com.
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